See Jesus. Not me.

Dear Boys,

The work God has given me as your mama is the most important work I could be doing. Anything the Lord calls us to do is the best and most important work for us.

But it’s hard.

The monotony is hard.

The lack of immediate results is hard. And hard can lead to discontent.

Discontent is an uneasy road to live on but far too easy to get on.

Sometimes I wonder who you see when you look at me. When you hear my voice, what does it sound like to you?

There are days that are so grace-filled, gospel-spoken, joy-driven—but they seem to be fewer these days than they used to be.

Then there are days that are just sin-soaked. From every direction we all feel so beaten down that we start beating each other with impatience, selfishness, hurry.

I will only fail you. I am more aware of that after this past year than I have ever been before. This isn’t modesty. It is the muddy truth. Every single day that I get out of bed without a thought of the Life-Giver, I walk down those stairs a dead woman incapable of giving grace to any of my precious boys.

He will not fail you. And I hold onto that Truth with white knuckles and a thankful heart.

And so I fall on Him. I cleave with my entire being onto His character. I trust Him to complete the work He has begun in our home.

And it will keep being messy and hard. But I can be content in that mess knowing that it is He who has put me here and it is He who will work through me here.

I whisper to myself in those early hours, “Let your four boys see Jesus today. Not you.”

I pray you see Jesus. Only Jesus.

I love you like crazy,



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