Category Archives: Hard Days

Waiting

Hey Guys,

I think we have all become a little weary in this waiting. The past six months have found us waiting for so many answers. Waiting on a job. Waiting on a church. Waiting for a home. Waiting for each of these things so we can finally stop waiting on all of these things.

Today finds us 14 days into the waiting process again. We are waiting to hear about a house. Not just any house. We are waiting on the house that ALL of you (including daddy and I) felt at home in as soon as we walked into it. You haven’t felt at home since we sold our house almost 2 years ago.

So this is big.

I drove by the house this morning with two of you, and we were pleased to see that the For Rent sign was removed and that no one else had yet moved in. We are trusting the Lord to give us that house.

But while we wait for a house, you have a schoolmate who is waiting on a bone marrow transplant for her mom. And suddenly the Lord turns our attention again to the brevity of this life and makes us think about the Big Picture.

No one is really waiting on anything except for Him. We are waiting on the Lord to change our circumstances when He sees fit. We are waiting on Him to give us a space where we can better serve one another and those in our community. We are waiting on Him to heal this JECA mom.

So when we aren’t getting what we want when we want it, let’s help one another to remember that because He is sovereign and because He is trustworthy, we are waiting on Him alone. He will move and give and take away in His time.

And if we don’t yet have what it is we are desiring, it’s simply because He has not given it to us yet. And we can be content knowing that He is our good Father. No good thing will He withhold from them who walk uprightly.

Wait on the Lord. And be content in the wait.

I’m crazy about you little loves,

Mama

Happy Christmas!

Dear Boys,

Ever since you asked what “Merry” meant and I told you it was another word for “Happy”, you’ve been wishing people a “Happy Christmas!” It makes me smile every time 🙂

It’s not the Christmas we would have wished for, but it’s the Christmas God has perfectly handed to us and so we praise Him. Still without a home of our own, we put up our pre-lit, fake, 3 foot tree, smothered it with candy canes, and continue to count down to Christmas Day. There is Christmas spirit in our single bedroom and we are thankful for it!

Watching you boys experience Christmas makes me feel like a little girl again. I get crazy joy over watching you get excited about gifts or special traditions or treats.

This year gifts will be slimmer than most, but I pray that the few you open will be important to you. Drew, we are giving you your first book to help you walk through a book of the Bible. I am so excited for you to have this resource so you can learn how to study His Word on your own!

Gabe, you will be receiving a book that is going to show you what it really means to grow up to be brave and strong and true. His Mighty Warrior is fiction, but I pray that you see the truth in it and desire to be a Mighty Warrior yourself.

Wes and Noah, your gifts may not be quite so meaningful but they will be things that will help you grow. Games and books that help spark your skills and imagination.

I’m just so glad to spend these special seasons with you. And I am not naive to the fact that I completely block out how the hard comes up and hooks arms with the special moments. It’s well nigh impossible for us to have an easy go of anything when there are six of us. Seeing lights is a chore, buying gifts for one another turns into a selfish endeavor, making cookies turns into a whine session when I won’t let you eat more cookie dough than you are cutting out. But in spite of ourselves, I still love this season and I still wouldn’t want to ever spend it with anyone but you. And I have faith that as the years go on, and you guys mature and grow, these hard things will fade away and new hard things will enter the season with us– time restrictions especially. So just let me enjoy these days when we are on top of one another in a single bedroom. I’ll enjoy having 8 extra hands helping make treats, and 4 extra mouths gobbling them up. I’ll enjoy the moments that are even crowded with sin because it means that you and your daddy and I are together. I’ll enjoy the noise more than the quiet. Because I know there will come a day when it’s too quiet. I know it will. And I just want to enjoy today without wishing it away.

Happy Christmas, boys. I just love you so much.

Mama

 

 

See Jesus. Not me.

Dear Boys,

The work God has given me as your mama is the most important work I could be doing. Anything the Lord calls us to do is the best and most important work for us.

But it’s hard.

The monotony is hard.

The lack of immediate results is hard. And hard can lead to discontent.

Discontent is an uneasy road to live on but far too easy to get on.

Sometimes I wonder who you see when you look at me. When you hear my voice, what does it sound like to you?

There are days that are so grace-filled, gospel-spoken, joy-driven—but they seem to be fewer these days than they used to be.

Then there are days that are just sin-soaked. From every direction we all feel so beaten down that we start beating each other with impatience, selfishness, hurry.

I will only fail you. I am more aware of that after this past year than I have ever been before. This isn’t modesty. It is the muddy truth. Every single day that I get out of bed without a thought of the Life-Giver, I walk down those stairs a dead woman incapable of giving grace to any of my precious boys.

He will not fail you. And I hold onto that Truth with white knuckles and a thankful heart.

And so I fall on Him. I cleave with my entire being onto His character. I trust Him to complete the work He has begun in our home.

And it will keep being messy and hard. But I can be content in that mess knowing that it is He who has put me here and it is He who will work through me here.

I whisper to myself in those early hours, “Let your four boys see Jesus today. Not you.”

I pray you see Jesus. Only Jesus.

I love you like crazy,

Mama