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A Little Bit of Honest

Dear Dana (because we all need to remind ourselves of a thing or two),

Honest. Sometimes when I hear of someone talking about pursuing their passions, doing great things, exciting things, fun things, I get upset. Not mad, but frustratingly sad. I used to be that girl who traveled, did big things, met interesting people, always had a dream.

See me get jealous of my younger self. Because now here I sit– beside a huge pile of clean unfolded laundry, sending kids back to bed after chaotic goodnights, ready to pass out as soon as I hit the pillow, only to welcome a little person into my bed in the middle of the night (because I’m not coherent enough to send him back to bed) then wake to my alarm before anyone else’s feet hit the floor. I’ll cook. I’ll clean. I’ll teach. I’ll discipline. I’ll answer a few hundred questions and laugh a few dozen times. I’ll wipe pee off of the toilet just so I can use it and listen to brothers argue over objects. I’ll wish for a date with my husband only to remember that that’s only a luxury. The price to be paid for being a full-time homemaker in a two-income world.

There’s nothing grand. My dreams are few.

I don’t know when I stopped dreaming big. I wonder when I let passions slip through my fingers. But more than anything, I wonder when my perspective changed. When I was young, all I wanted to be was a wife and mommy. Somewhere along the way, “exciting things” became the norm. Then I came full circle– and became a wife and mom. And that was enough.

But I hear the Enemy’s lies that I’m missing out and I start to believe it. Yet I know that I’m not really missing anything.

How are any of my crazy dreams more important than having these little men love me like crazy? How could I dare think that adventuring without them would bring any joy at all? Who can make me laugh harder or smile more often than cute little voices who always have something to share?

These cute faces belong to the little men that I am training to be mighty warriors for a King much greater than my silly whims. There is nothing menial about a mama’s job. Our time is so short with these precious people. I don’t want to wish it away or want something else.

I want to show these boys Christ. Teach them to see Him in all things and love Him well. I want their hearts to be tender towards Him and ready to follow when He draws them.

Nothing is more important than that.

Nothing is more exciting.

Be content and enjoy the life God’s given you.

Dana

 

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Yes, we have full hands.

Dear Boys,

Sometimes I wonder if it drives you as crazy as it drives me. You know what I’m talking about. Those moments when the five of us are out grocery shopping and do all we can to hang on to that last straw of sanity and make it out the door before one of you has a complete meltdown– and just then a stranger so innocently approaches to let us know that we have our hands full (because we were obviously oblivious to it, right?). In that moment, most of you are in stranger-shock and turn into quiet, happy boys which leads said stranger to comment on how well-behaved you are. And you are, really. It just doesn’t usually feel like it at that moment because of the chaos surrounding errands.

Do you ever get tired of hearing, “All boys?” “Are you going to try for a girl?” As if you weren’t treasure enough for me.

Let me just get one thing straight. The four of you boys are far more precious to me than any girl could be. I love you like crazy. And no, I don’t need a girl to complete our family. You four and your daddy fill my heart. And when people stop to remind us that we have a “big” family, though initially annoyed (more often than I ought to be), it is a reminder of how blessed we are. My hands ARE full. But my heart is just overflowing.

Just know that I will take the full hands, the tiring errands, the hard days, and the boy noises, energy, and competition if it means I get to live my life with you in it. I love being your mama. I love that each one of you is a part of our family. I love each one of you like crazy.

Mama